Need advice about 12 y/old girl and her mom - Serious Answers Only?

My cousin (12) and her mom recently moved in with us (Me - I'm 27, My mom, stepdad %26amp; 13y/old brother). They moved in because of financial difficulties. We feel that in general the mom is unable to care for herself and her child physically, finacially, and emotionally. She can't/won't keep a job, lies constantly to all of us, lies to doctors to get her daughter on meds she doesn't need, tells her daughter she can stay home from school (she was held back once in the past because of missed days), and is generally causing all of us alot of stress. The daughter is very sweet and though she is emotionally confused, loves living with us, is doing great academically and socially since living here with us. We want to give the mom an ultimatum but how can we do this without hurting the daughter? It would be nice if we could just kick the mom out and keep her daughter here to raise ourselves. Any suggestions would be helpful. (Also, the mom's parents will not allow her to live with them)Need advice about 12 y/old girl and her mom - Serious Answers Only?
It apears that getting a social worker involved with the mother is your best bet. Don't forget to ask your cousin how she feels about the situation even though she may be unable to emotional express or understand that having her mom leave is in her best interest, or might feel guilty over ';abandoning'; her mom who needs help.


Physicologicaly it would be good to make your cousin feel that her thoughts on the subject are of value to you and your family. Twelve is a young age to completely understand what is best for her right now, especially if the mom has been lenient with her in the past. She may feel that she's betraying her mom by staying with your family.


Her mom may make her feel that letting her stay home from school and corrupting her life was something she did to make her daughter's life easier. The mom may pull a guilt trip on her if she stays with your family like ';How can you leave me? I only did all those things for you!'; comments and such.


If it's really as bad as you say it is talk briefly with your little cousin and get her feelings on the subject like ';What if..'; and ';How would you feel if...'; and then go from there. Calling social services on family is a difficult thing. Make sure you have a good understanding with your cousin before embarking into the difficult area of getting the state involved. This way they don't panic and dissapear in the middle of the night together.


Good Luck, you're a great family for going through so much stress to help this little girl have a better life, that takes alot!Need advice about 12 y/old girl and her mom - Serious Answers Only?
You may ask her to give guardianship over her daughter to you or your family. If she wants to do that, you will need the assistance of a attorney to draft guardianship paper for the courts. If not, it would be very hard to just keep the child. I know that you care about her, but as a parent, she has rights.





If she loses the child to Child Protective Services, you may ask them to let the child live with you and later adopt her if the mother is not able to regain custody of her from the State.





Best thing to do, is have a good talk with her on her future and ask if she would like to give up the child to you or your family.
I feel so bad for the young girl. She is not being given the guidance she needs from her parents and instead being made to be a pawn in their game. Your best bet would be to contact Childrens Protective Services in your area and explain to them what is going on including who you are and that. They will come to your house and do a very deep investigation. If they find your allegations to be true then both kids will be placed in foster care and charges brought against the parents. You are in such a tough spot and I dont envy you one bit. But as hard as it will be, you have to do it for the sake of the kids. I will keep you in my prayers.
look, think of this from the kids point of view. She may love living with you but how would she feel to be taken away from her mother. No matter what you may think, how's she gonna feel about it. I know a lot of people who do not deserve to have their children. I work at a daycare and I daily see mistreated children. But I can also see how that taking them away from their parents would do them more harm emotionally that staying with them in their current state. This doesn't mean that I sit back and let anyhting fly, we have had molested children and that is a whole dfferent story. In the case of physical or sexual abuse I think the kid should be taken away. But in your cousins situation what do you really think would be best for her?
go to court and you will easily win custody of the child...
Contact Child Protective Services and get them involved. You may have to register as foster parents to allow her to stay with you.
This is very touchy . . . very touchy.





First things first, the welfare of the child. If the mother is lying to doctors getting her medications and drugs she doesn't need . . . then this is the worst kind of physical and emotional abuse . . . because your cousin loves her mother and will think that her mother will do nothing to harm her. Well she is . . . and your cousin is getting hurt both physically and mentally.





If I were you . . . I would talk with CPS regarding this. . . and ask what can be done . . . to protect the child and prevent unnecessary mental harm to the child.





Ask about fostering the childing, talk to a lawyer . . . a family specialist. Then when things are in line with CPS and the Courts . . . take action . . . but do not let the mother know . . . because we will just take your cousin somewhere else . . . and accelerate the harm she is doing to her child.





The mother is not stable . . . and is looking for support and help . . . and with CPS and the Courts . . . she may be submitted to a psyche eval . . . and probably get the mental help she need. Meanwhile. . . you and your family will provide the support and love that she needs.





I do have a question, where is your cousin's father. . . you need to contact him . . . maybe the stories you heard from your aunt is completely false . . . and she ran with the child . . . to prevent the father from helping his child. Get him involved . . . because your cousin needs her father too . . . or when she grows up (if she does) . . . she will do the same thing to her children.





Break the cycle. Please
call children and youth services they will examine the evidence and if it comes up to where she is proven to be an unfit mother you might have to go to court and fight for custody and a lot of it is up to cys and the 12 year old girls decision on where she wants to live
I believe the only way you can do what you want to do is to get legal custody. You can't just take the daughter away from the mother because you believe she's a bad mother. You need to get a lawyer, but I would also start gathering evidence against the mother. For example, is she on drugs? Also, you need proof she's lying to the doctors. Remember, it's your word against hers.
For one, you can't unless she legally gives up her rights and she probably won't do that.


Secondly, if she was not going to school at all the authorities would take mother to jail.


Third, the mother can't put girl on meds unless prescribed by doctor and he won't be blind to her health he could get sued if he did that.


Last but not least, SHAME ON YOU for talking about family like that, you should learn to be more supportive in helping the mother get straightened up. Whether you like it or not, you are related to these people who need help,support and guidance.
It sounds like the childs welfare would be afffected greatly by sending her right back to the hole she came from. I think you need to contact a lawyer about the steps you need to take to keep the child for her own well-being


The only way the courts would side with the mother is if you couldn't prove she is unfit.


Good luck
FIRST THING IS FIRST:





NUMBER ONE PRIORITY HERE IS THE CHILD, SHE NEEDS A LOT OF HELP. SHE IS GOING THROUGHT A LOT OF STRESS AND SHE IS GOING TO A DIFFICULT TIME WICH IN MY OPINION NO CHILD SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGHT. MY ADVICE WILL BE TO TALK TO CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES AND ASSIGNED HER A SOCIAL WORKER. SINCE YOU ARE A RELATIVE THEY WON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS GIVING YOU CUSTODY OF THE KID...IF OFCOURSE THERE IS NO OTHER CLOSED RELATIVES THAT MY CLAIM THE KID.. WICH IN ANY CASE IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHO SHE STAYS WITH AS LONG AS SHE IS SAFE.


NEXT GET HER MOM HELP, FIND ONE OF YOUR LOCAL HEAD SHRINKKERS AND GET HER AN APPT A.S.A.P. GOOD LUCK ...


WE NEED MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN THIS WORLD THAT STILL CARE FOR OTHERS
If the mother is getting meds for her daughter that she does not need, the mother have a mental condition called Munchausins By Proxy (misspelled, sorry) A parent seeks sympathy from doctors and from friends by caring for sick child. In the movie The Sixth Sense, the mother that poisons her daughter is a good example of this. If she does indeed have this condition her daughter may be in danger. After awhile a sick child does not get as much sympathy, but a dead child is another story. You do want to get legal advice. Quick.
That's touchy. Sit down and talk to mom and see why it is that she isn't working. Offer to help her find a job, but first figure out what it is she like to do (if she likes anything). Try to get her to understand that it isn't about her anymore, she has a child and has responsibilities and obligations to her. If she didn't have a child her actions, however still wrong, would explain why she's not in a hurry to work. I know where I live there are shelters that people can live at for up to a yeat to get themselves together(I just moved out one). See if she'd be willing to do something like that and let her daughter stay there. But letting her daughter stay there would be a family discussion first. If the mom(and daughter) is open to that do it. You could also talk to the family about seeking temporary custody until she can get on feet, so maybe she doesn't get too stressed, as long as she agrees with it. But the main thing in all of is to not get angry and yell. Stay calm and try to come to some sort of resolution without anyone getting hurt or causing confusion throughout the family. Your cousin is still young and at a very fragile state of development in her life. Uprooting her a lot could cause some damage to her emotionally. Also try talking to her to see how feels, not only about this situation, but also about her mom and the possibility of staying there until her mom can care for her. And don't involve Child Services. The last thing you want is to get the girl taken away and mom put in jail... You just want order in the house and for your aunt and cousin to be happy and comfortable.
i would certainly call child services on her. it is wrong for the mom to medicate the child if the child doesnt need it. contact the doctors office and talk to them. they cant discuss patient related things but you can tell the doctor what the mom is doing. i know it sounds wrong but it has to be stopped. i would seriously try and get to get custody of the child. she may be angry at first but soon she will see it was for the best. put her best interest at heart. the mother is clearly not fit to raise this child. the mother also needs to seek help.
I've seen this happen repeatedly in my line of work. I would be extremely careful about an ';ultimatum'; to the mom, since she calls all the shots for her minor child (unless there is some leverage through partial custody of the natural father). If she decides to take off, the girl goes with her, especially if she might be getting some income from her child being ';ill.'; Children classified as having some type of disability, even ADHD, will receive social security income (in my state at least). Getting through to mom, unfortunately, will be an essential but difficult task. Assuming responsibility for their lives is a weak suit for some people. However, you can't go wrong with giving unconditional support to the girl while she is with you. Enjoy this part.
well it's this way .....Mom and her daughter are being taken care now of so it's working for her..... stop making it work, tell her that she needs to be held accountable for her actions as a parent and she needs to get a job and pitch in. Anyone out of school needs to be held responsibile to hold their own weight. If she threatens to leave let her but PLEASE let her daughter have a chance at life and go thur the court system to have her stay with your family. As I see it her Mom isn't such a great role model.
u can call child protective services - the number is in the front of ur phone book. and u can also go to court. that little girl deserves a much better of a life than what her mom is giving her. my lil sis trinity is in the same position because her mom april is the EXACT same way. its so scary.
Okay I just wan't to prep you.. If you try to get custody of this girl.. IT's goign to be very hard.. However you could get a lawyer and go to court and ask to have a children's lawyer represent the girl... How does the 12 yr old feel about this.. She may not leave her mom because she may feel the need to stay there.. HOwever, this is only somewhat under her control... But if she finds out you're doing this.. She may not be happy.. What about having a counsellor come into your home.. Or encourage the mother to take parenting classes.. have an intervention.. Anyway, a childrens lawyer works for the child and the child only.. It is also free of cost.. But you must be referred to by a children's lawyer by a judge so this girl would have to request one to a judge... Its not an easy call.. And unforuntatly because Social services has so much and so many little people on their plates right now that they can't get adopted out or taken care of, that they seem to be letting more slide.. It's really sad.... But like i said.... Stand strong and keep fighting.. It's going to be a hard battle but I wish you luck!